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Survivor's Page
If You Have Recently Been Sexually Assaulted
Survivors of Incest/Childhood Sexual Abuse
Male Survivors
Grounding Techniques
Information for Parents
Information for Partners, Family and Friends
Victim’s Rights in Connecticut
Victim's Compensation Benefits
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If You Have Recently Been Assaulted
Get to a safe place.
Don't shower, drink, eat or change your clothes.
These activities may destroy evidence that could assist in prosecution if you choose to file a police report.
Seek medical attention.
If you have recently been sexually assaulted, you have two options concerning your medical care:
Hospital Emergency Departments- Emergency rooms can perform a Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Examination up to 72 hours following an assault. During a Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Exam, a doctor or nurse will examine you for injuries that may or may not be visible to you. They will also offer you emergency contraception and medications that may help to prevent contraction of sexually transmitted diseases and tests for sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS. During this exam, the doctor/nurse will also collect and preserve evidence that can assist in taking legal action if you chose to report this assault to the police. You do not have to speak to the police when you have an evidence collection exam if you are unsure about whether you want to make a police report. The evidence collected will be held for 60 days while you decide if you would like to make a report. If you go to the hospital following a sexual assault, you have the right to have a Sexual Assault Crisis Counselor speak to you at the hospital and/or be present to provide support to you during the exam. To request a counselor, you can ask the hospital or police to contact your local sexual assault crisis center or in lower Fairfield County, you can call the SACEC’s hotline at (203) 329-2929 to speak to a counselor and/or request accompaniment to the hospital.
Physician's office, Clinic or Health Departments- If you do not want to go to the hospital for an evidence collection exam, or it has been more than 72 hours since the assault, you can still go to a physician’s office or your local Planned Parenthood to be examined for injuries, request emergency contraception and to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
Make a police report.
It is your decision about whether or not to report a sexual assault to the police. If you choose to report, a Sexual Assault Crisis Counselor is available 24-hours a day to meet you at the police station to provide you with information and support while you are making a statement. SACEC counselors also offer legal/court advocacy throughout the legal process.
Seek support for yourself:
The SACEC offers free and confidential support services for survivors of all forms of sexual violence. You can call our 24-hour hotline to speak to a counselor for information, referrals, telephone counseling or accompaniment to the hospital or police station. Individual counseling sessions are also available. Experiencing a sexual assault can affect survivors in many different ways. You may find yourself feeling or behaving very differently than usual.
Many survivors experience:
-Nightmares
-Flashbacks
-Anger
-Guilt
-Difficulty sleeping
-Fear
-Avoidance of sexual contact
-Difficulty concentrating
If you have experienced some or all of these feelings following a sexual assault, remember that you are having a normal reaction to a traumatic experience. It is never too late to address these feelings. They don’t have to last forever. We recognize that it is hard to take the first step to seek help, but talking to someone experienced in working with survivors of abuse can help you to find ways to deal with these feelings.
Remember that the assault wasn't your fault. No matter what you were doing at the time, you did not deserve to be raped. Childhood Sexual Abuse
Male Survivors
Grounding Techniques for Survivors
Many survivors find it difficult to cope with flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety and fear that may result from their abuse. Below are some helpful strategies that you can use to ground yourself when you are experiencing these symptoms. These techniques can help you in the moments when you are experiencing symptoms or feel them coming on by keeping you in the present moment and creating a sense of safety for you. At a later time, when you are feeling safe, a counselor can help you to address the feelings and triggers that are bringing on these symptoms and help you to develop a plan for working on those underlying issues. You may find that some of the suggestions work more easily for you than others. Everyone has different ways of dealing with these symptoms. By trying some of these ideas you will be able to find the ones that work best for you.
Blink your eyes hard
Change the position of your body
Use deep breathing
Move around vigorously
Name objects in your environment out loud
Hold onto a safe object
Listen to a soothing tape
Clap your hands
Stamp your feet on the floor
Wash your face with cold water
Say positive affirmations about yourself
Count to yourself
Perform a monotonous activity
Look at the calendar or the clock
Talk to yourself - tell yourself that you are safe
Call the crisis hotline
Finding out that your child has been sexually abused is a difficult and confusing time for parents. You may find yourself feeling anger, guilt, sadness, frustration or confusion. These feelings are normal. As a parent of a child who has been sexually abused, you may feel as if your life has been turned upside down by what has happened to your child.
How Can I Help My Child? Believe your child!
It is very important for your child to know that you support them, even though they may be saying things that are hard to accept. Children very rarely make up stories of abuse.
Reassure your child that he/she is safe.
Your child will need to hear you say, "It wasn't your fault" so they can understand that the abuse did not happen because he/she was bad and that they are not to blame.
Try to remain calm and even-tempered around your child, even though you may feel very upset or angry.
It is normal for you to feel anger about what has happened, however try not to show anger around your child because it may confuse him/her. When children see their parents expressing anger, they may feel like you are angry with them.
Let your child know that things will get better.
Return to your family’s normal routine as soon as possible.
Follow your child’s lead. Do not push them to talk or ask leading questions. Just listen and support when and if your child wants to talk about the abuse.
Understand that some victims of sexual assault are sensitive to touch (even touches like hugs that we may think of as positive). It is important to respect that your child may not want to be touched by anyone. Ask if it is okay before hugging or kissing your child.
Remember that sexual abuse can affect the entire family. Whether siblings know about the abuse or not, chances are they have noticed changes in the family and may need some help understanding what is happening in their family. Many siblings of children who have been abused do not understand why their brother or sister is suddenly getting extra attention from everyone and may become jealous.
Get support for yourself.
It is important that you have support in order to be strong for your children. Meeting with a counselor or attending a parent support group can help you through this difficult time.
Why Didn’t My Child Tell Me First? Many children may not talk about their abuse because they:
-Don’t have the vocabulary to describe what has happened to them
-Fail to recognize the behavior as abusive
-Are honoring a "secret" pact they made with their abuser
-Have intense feelings of guilt and shame
-Are often confused and misled by lies that portray the abuse as normal
-Are afraid they will not be believed
-Have been bribed with objects such as gifts, money, attention, etc
-Are afraid that if they tell, it will break up the family
-Sometimes don’t know whom to tell
-Still love and trust the person abusing them
-Believe that the abuse is a punishment they deserve
-May have been threatened by the abuser
In addition to the above reasons why children may not tell a parent first, children often fear that they will hurt their parent’s feelings. Children often choose to tell someone outside of their home when they are being abused, particularly if the abuser is someone their parents know and trust. Many children disclose during school presentations about abuse because the child feels more comfortable talking about it in those settings.
If your child disclosed to someone other than you first, it does not mean that your child’s relationship with you is not a good one. The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter whom the child told first, but that the child did a great job in telling someone in order for the abuse to stop and for the child to now receive the help and support they need.
What Do I Say to My Child?
As a parent there are many things you can say to your child to help them to heal from their abuse. Many parents feel uncomfortable addressing this issue and choose to ignore it. It is normal to be nervous about speaking to your child about their abuse, but letting your children know that you are open to talking about it if they want to will help your child to feel more safe and secure and will assist them in dealing with their own feelings about what happened. The following is a list of reassuring statements you can say to your child.
-"I believe you."
-"It wasn’t your fault."
-"I am happy you told someone about what was happening."
-"I’m not mad at you."
-"I am proud of you for telling."
-"I am going to help you."
-"If you ever want to talk about it, I am here to listen."
Does My Child Need Counseling?
Children vary in their reactions to sexual abuse. There are many factors that determine how a particular child will be affected. Some of these factors include:
-Your child’s personality.
-The length of time that the abuse occurred.
-Your child’s relationship with the perpetrator
-How long ago the abuse occurred.
-The amount of physical force used during the assault.
-The initial reactions of the individuals your child disclosed to.
-The amount of support received from family, friends,
counselors, church and others.
Counseling is not necessary for all children who have experienced a sexual assault. However, receiving counseling is usually helpful, and for some children may be essential, particularly if the abuse occurred more than once and if the perpetrator was someone the child was close to. You may want to consider setting up an appointment for your child with a counselor who specializes in working with children who have been sexually abused. The counselor can work with you and your child to assess the effects of the abuse and to determine what services may be helpful. Some parents are reluctant to send children to counseling because they fear that their child will be further traumatized by having to keep repeating what happened to them. However, in counseling, a trained professional can help your child to process what happened to them, and make it easier for them to deal with the effects of the abuse and learn to express their feelings. The focus on counseling with your child should be on helping them to express their feelings, not reliving painful details of the abuse. By receiving counseling, your child can learn to deal with their feelings now, rather than carrying these things with them into their adult life. Some agencies offer sliding scale payments for clients and your child may be eligible for Victim’s Compensation benefits to assist in paying for counseling services related to their abuse.
As a parent of a child who has been sexually abused, counseling may be beneficial for you as well. It is normal for you to be affected by what has happened to your child. Meeting with a counselor can help you to express what you are feeling in a safe environment where you can be free to discuss whatever is on your mind. Counseling gives you time to take care of your own needs and not having to worry about staying strong for your child. The SACEC offers free and confidential individual counseling sessions for parents. In these sessions counselors can help you to talk about your own feelings as well as provide you with an understanding of the issue of sexual abuse and valuable information on how to help your child. These services can also help you to see that you are not alone in dealing with this problem and that things will get better.
and Friends
If someone you care about has been sexually assaulted, you may be unsure about how to help him/her. Below are some suggestions on how to help your loved one.
Don’t pressure him/her to talk about the assault.
Many victims don’t want to share the details of what happened to them with others, particularly with those closest to them. Let the survivor know you are available to listen if they want to talk but respect their wishes if they don’t want to.
Many survivors of sexual assault are very sensitive to touch. Always ask if it is okay to give them a hug or other touch, and be aware of any verbal or non-verbal signals they may be giving you that would indicate when they are uncomfortable being touched.
Respect their privacy.
Your loved one may not want others to know about what happened to them. Always ask their permission before telling others that they were assaulted.
Remember that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault.
Do not place blame on the victim for what happened to them, no matter what they were wearing or doing at the time of the assault. The responsibility for the assault always lies with the perpetrator.
Sometimes individuals unintentionally place blame or guilt on a victim.
Asking if they fought back or yelled for help may make the survivor feel blamed for the assault. Most victims are too scared or taken by surprise to yell or fight when confronted by a perpetrator. It is impossible to judge their actions in that situation because no one knows what they would do in their place. He/she did whatever they had to do to survive.
Understand that sexual assault is a traumatic experience.
It changes the way survivors think, feel and behave. All of these changes won’t last forever. Be patient while he/she heals from this experience.
Don’t take it personally.
Survivors sometimes express anger towards those closest to them because they are unable to express the anger they are feeling towards the perpetrator or themselves.
Allow the survivor to make his/her own decisions.
Sexual assault makes people feel very out of control. It is important for the survivor to feel in control after the assault. Choices such as whether to report to the police, seeking counseling or whom to tell about the assault should be left up to the survivor. Support them in whatever decisions they make.
Don’t pressure the survivor for sexual contact.
It may take some time for your loved one to feel comfortable in sexual situations again.
Encourage the survivor to seek counseling.
It may be very helpful. However, don’t force them to seek help before they are ready to do so. It may take some time before they feel ready to talk about what has happened to them.
Consider getting support for yourself.
You have also been affected by what has happened to the person you care about. Counseling and support services are also available for partners, family and friends of survivors. A counselor can also give you information on how to help your loved one.
Victim’s Rights in Connecticut
Constitution of the State of Connecticut
Article XXIX - Rights of Victims of Crime In all criminal prosecutions, a victim, as the general assembly may define by law, shall have the following rights.
1. the right to be treated with fairness and respect throughout the criminal justice process;
2. the right to a timely disposition of the case
following arrest of the accused, provided no right of the accused is abridged;
3. the right to be reasonably protected from the
accused throughout the criminal justice process;
4. the right to notification of court proceedings;
5. the right to attend the trial and all other
court proceedings the accused has the right to attend, unless such person is to testify and the court determines that such person’s testimony would be materially affected if such person hears other testimony.
6. the right to communicate with the prosecution;
7. the right to object to or support any plea
agreement entered into by the accused and the prosecution and to make a statement to the court prior to the acceptance by the court of the plea of guilty or nolo condendere by the accused;
8. the right to make a statement to the court
at sentencing;
9. the right to restitution which shall be
enforceable in the same manner as any other cause of action or as otherwise provided by law; and
10. the right to information about the
arrest, conviction, sentence, imprisonment and release of the accused.
The general assembly shall provide by law for the enforcement of this subsection. Nothing in this subsection or in any law enacted pursuant to this subsection shall be construed as creating a basis for vacating a conviction or ground for appellate relief in any criminal case. As the victim of a crime in Connecticut, you may be eligible for victim's compensation benefits through the Office of Victim's Services. These benefits may reimburse victims or their legal guardians for counseling, medical or other expenses that are the direct result of a sexual assault. For more information, including eligibility requirements, please contact OVS at (860) 747-4501 or call the Sexual Assault Crisis and Education Center for application materials and assistance in filing a claim. Filing an application for compensation does not guarantee payment. The Office of Victim Services will review the application and make a determination regarding eligibility for compensation benefits. .
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